Navigating the Most Wonderful Time of the Year…When it Isn’t.
“It’s the most wonderful time of the year”... until it isn’t. What if you feel dread or anxiety about a family gathering or the overwhelming amount of things you need to accomplish? The truth is, you are not alone. For some of us, the holidays are joyful celebrations of friends, family, gifting, food, and traditions. However, for others they are reminders of loss, inability to meet expectations, disconnection, and loneliness.The holidays can be overwhelming when we are at our best, and even more so when we have trauma entering into the picture. So, what can we do to navigate the holiday season well? Here are a few tips:
1. Set good boundaries - It is important that you are communicating your expectations and needs in a way that is clear and assertive. You are in control of how you spend your time, who you spend it with, and where you choose to go for the holidays. You know what topics you want to avoid at the table and what family members you can handle for about 5 minutes before you need a break. Be clear and direct about what events you are attending or not attending and about conversations that you do not wish to participate in at the dinner table.
2. Validate your own emotions - It is okay to feel your feelings during the holiday season. When you acknowledge those feelings you are able to move through them and grow; when we shove them down we get stuck and explode. You do not have to feel ashamed or guilty for any of the feelings you have, but it is your responsibility to manage them once you have acknowledged them. Hurt feelings do not excuse poor behavior and hurt does not heal hurt.
3. Practice Self-Compassion - You are doing the best you can with what you have available to you. It is important to care for yourself as you attend various events and functions, especially if you know they may cause triggers to occur. Leave space for self-care this season. Take a walk in the chilly winter weather, sip a warm cocoa, or watch your favorite Christmas movie - create your own traditions that fill you up.
4. Reduce Triggering Experiences: Let me say this loud:
IT IS OKAY TO SAY NO.
If you know that an event is going to be too loud, too crowded, too dramatic, etc. it is okay to decline. If you are struggling with substance use and everyone is drinking it is okay to leave or not attend at all. You are important and your values matter. Saying no comes with setting good boundaries; say it with me: “Assertiveness is not mean, it’s important.”
We are all navigating this holiday season in different ways and it is important for all of us to remember to have kindness and grace for those around us. The holidays are often a time for reflection, so let us move toward 2025 reflecting on the ways in which we've celebrated and struggled this year or the ways in which we’ve met others in their journeys. You are not alone. You have value. There is always hope.
